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Post By
Reverend Meteor

In Reply To
KD

Subj: Re: Issue with my Best friend and Roomate...
Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 at 09:49:18 pm EST
Reply Subj: Re: Issue with my Best friend and Roomate...
Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 at 11:48:36 am EST

Previous Post

> > > > So lemme get all of this straight: Gina broke up with Jeff before anything physical happened between Gina and Steve? You can't really blame Gina for her feelings changing or for becoming interested in someone else, nor do I think you can blame Steve for becoming interested in his friend's girlfriend - it's not like we can consciously decide to be attracted to someone or not, can we? So what is it that you're blaming her for? Because it seems to me that breaking up with Jeff - rather than lying and going behind his back - is actually the opposite of sleazy. She could have been more honest in her reasons for breaking up with him, maybe, but if that honesty would hurt Jeff then why do that?
> >
> > Truth be told, I can give Gina more slack. Not to sound sexist, but women are....more likely to let emotions do the driving. The only thing that one can really be mad at Gina for is the lack of honesty AND for breaking with Jeff for, in my opinion, Jeff being comfortable in complacency (that's a whole 'nother conversation though).
> >
> > Steve is who I'm really disappointed in. See the things is that there are unspoken "guy rules" that every guy should go by. One is that you never go after your friends girl even if their broken up. Two is that you never screw a friend over for a girl, which Steve did.
> >
> > See the thing is, Steve and Gina weren't really that close up until three months ago when Steve's girl dumped him (for another guy no less). Steve became Jeff and Gina's third wheel and became close to Gina from there.
> >
> > Now I don't know who threw the first signs of attraction, but nonetheless as A MAN and A FRIEND, Steve should have said, "Y'know what Gina? This is wrong. We both know we like each other and we know we're not becoming close friends on the pretense of just being friends. This is unfair to Jeff, this won't end well, and you and Jeff have some issues y'all should work out."
>
> Not to throw out a cliche but as my grandmother used to say "you can't help who you fall in love with". Granted my grandmother is evil incarnate but that's another post for another day.
>
>
>
> > But that's not what's going on. In Steve's mind, he thinks he did nothing wrong since nothing physical happened between him and Gina What he fails to understand is that he's guilty because it was never innocent. They both became "close friends" because they were attracted to each other. He doesn't realize that Gina more than likely dumped Jeff for him as opposed to dumping him anyway (which she wasn't going to do but that's what she told Steve).
> >
> >
> >
> > > I agree. Gina was with Jeff, and she wasn't happy. Rather than stay in an unhappy relationship she ended it and found someone else. So maybe she started realizing this attraction to Steve while she was still with Jeff. All the more reason to break it off with Jeff as quickly as possible. Staying with him when she knew it wouldn't work, going behind his back, leading him on, spending his money, etc. would have been the sleazy thing to do. Unless you're saying she did that for a long while before breaking it off.
> >
> > Gina only told Jeff there were "issues" in their relationship three days before they broke up. She and Steve were having their "mental affair" for about three months. According to Jeff the only signs before her telling him was a lack of physical displays of affection (hugs and kisses) and some over friendliness with Steve.
>
>
> I see nothing wrong with a mental affair. She broke up with Jeff before sleeping with Steve right? She's better than a lot of girls out there.

Well I guess thats the good news (Steve and Gina are both still virgins). But still, I've found that people will never leave their s.o. (and don't want their s.o. to leave them either) and regret what they did way more when having a physical affair, but when someone outside your relationship connects with you on a mental level, thats when it all goes to hell and the relationship ends. That's why (in some ways) it's worse, at least to me.

> > > > > So lemme get all of this straight: Gina broke up with Jeff before anything physical happened between Gina and Steve? You can't really blame Gina for her feelings changing or for becoming interested in someone else, nor do I think you can blame Steve for becoming interested in his friend's girlfriend - it's not like we can consciously decide to be attracted to someone or not, can we? So what is it that you're blaming her for? Because it seems to me that breaking up with Jeff - rather than lying and going behind his back - is actually the opposite of sleazy. She could have been more honest in her reasons for breaking up with him, maybe, but if that honesty would hurt Jeff then why do that?
> > >
> > > Truth be told, I can give Gina more slack. Not to sound sexist, but women are....more likely to let emotions do the driving. The only thing that one can really be mad at Gina for is the lack of honesty AND for breaking with Jeff for, in my opinion, Jeff being comfortable in complacency (that's a whole 'nother conversation though).
> > >
> > > Steve is who I'm really disappointed in. See the things is that there are unspoken "guy rules" that every guy should go by. One is that you never go after your friends girl even if their broken up. Two is that you never screw a friend over for a girl, which Steve did.
> > >
> > > See the thing is, Steve and Gina weren't really that close up until three months ago when Steve's girl dumped him (for another guy no less). Steve became Jeff and Gina's third wheel and became close to Gina from there.
> > >
> > > Now I don't know who threw the first signs of attraction, but nonetheless as A MAN and A FRIEND, Steve should have said, "Y'know what Gina? This is wrong. We both know we like each other and we know we're not becoming close friends on the pretense of just being friends. This is unfair to Jeff, this won't end well, and you and Jeff have some issues y'all should work out."
> >
> > Not to throw out a cliche but as my grandmother used to say "you can't help who you fall in love with". Granted my grandmother is evil incarnate but that's another post for another day.
> >
> >
> >
> > > But that's not what's going on. In Steve's mind, he thinks he did nothing wrong since nothing physical happened between him and Gina What he fails to understand is that he's guilty because it was never innocent. They both became "close friends" because they were attracted to each other. He doesn't realize that Gina more than likely dumped Jeff for him as opposed to dumping him anyway (which she wasn't going to do but that's what she told Steve).
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > > I agree. Gina was with Jeff, and she wasn't happy. Rather than stay in an unhappy relationship she ended it and found someone else. So maybe she started realizing this attraction to Steve while she was still with Jeff. All the more reason to break it off with Jeff as quickly as possible. Staying with him when she knew it wouldn't work, going behind his back, leading him on, spending his money, etc. would have been the sleazy thing to do. Unless you're saying she did that for a long while before breaking it off.
> > >
> > > Gina only told Jeff there were "issues" in their relationship three days before they broke up. She and Steve were having their "mental affair" for about three months. According to Jeff the only signs before her telling him was a lack of physical displays of affection (hugs and kisses) and some over friendliness with Steve.
> >
> >
> > I see nothing wrong with a mental affair. She broke up with Jeff before sleeping with Steve right? She's better than a lot of girls out there.
>
> Well I guess thats the good news (Steve and Gina are both still virgins).

Well see now Jeff can find a girl who puts out. Everyone wins \:\)

> But still, I've found that people will never leave their s.o. (and don't want their s.o. to leave them either) and regret what they did way more when having a physical affair, but when someone outside your relationship connects with you on a mental level, thats when it all goes to hell and the relationship ends. That's why (in some ways) it's worse, at least to me.

I think "mental affairs" are going to happen and they can't really be stopped because people can't force themselves to feel one way or another. People are going to lose a certain amount of interest in one another after a long relationship...eventually they snap out of it or the relationship ends.

I don't think it's cheating until some sort of physical intimacy happens.

As an aside....am I the only one who hates the term "mental affair"? It's like you're guilty of cheating before you cheat.


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