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Post By
The Black Guardian

In Reply To
Reverend Meteor

Subj: Re: Issue with my Best friend and Roomate...
Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 at 05:39:46 am EST
Reply Subj: Re: Issue with my Best friend and Roomate...
Posted: Tue Dec 04, 2007 at 09:41:18 pm EST

Previous Post

> > > You and I aren't going to see eye-to-eye on this. My wife dated
> > > three of my best friends before we got together.
> >
> > A little off the point but aren't you ever worried that she compares
> > the sex she has with you to the sex she had with your friends to see
> > which is better?
>
> Not in the slightest, especially now after more than 15 years. At least no moreso than normal. How would it be any different than if they weren't my friends?

I guess I've been in love triangles before where the friendship and/or relationship didn't make it. I wasn't making a value judgment. I'm more curious for my own edification.


> No matter who a person is with, there is always going to be some comparison to what they've had before.


> > > > You and I aren't going to see eye-to-eye on this. My wife dated
> > > > three of my best friends before we got together.
> > >
> > > A little off the point but aren't you ever worried that she
> > > compares the sex she has with you to the sex she had with your
> > > friends to see which is better?
> >
> > Not in the slightest, especially now after more than 15 years. At
> > least no moreso than normal. How would it be any different than if
> > they weren't my friends?
>
> I guess I've been in love triangles before where the friendship
> and/or relationship didn't make it. I wasn't making a value judgment.
> I'm more curious for my own edification.

Don't sweat it. Didn't think you were making any judgments.

I won't lie and say that the romantic relationships amongst my circle of friends always ended well, but after varying amounts of time, hurt feelings did heal. For the most part, none of us ever allowed private matters between a couple to affect any of the friendships. I think that's what kept us all together.

For instance, when Adam and Alice (again, names changed) separated/got divorced, we all remained friends with both of them. For a while, when there were get-togethers, it was kind of stressful to invite them both. If they were both present, then there was going to be a huge screaming match that ended with one or both leaving. Eventually, though, they got over their pain, and the entire circle of friends is grateful (especially for their daughter's sake). For part of that time, Alice was with Brian, and for a while Brian and Adam didn't get along that well. It was mostly Brian taking Alice's side, but that didn't last very long, and soon he was just trying to play peacemaker.

None of us ever really got upset when our exes started dating again, regardless of whom they dated. Speaking for myself, I've always maintained good relations with all of my exes. I would rather see them happy than myself, even if I was hurt by a breakup, and even if they screwed me over. With my friends, particularly the ones that dated my wife, it seems more like the "plenty of fish in the sea" and/or "thank god that relationship is over" attitude. None of them can understand how I've put up with my wife for as long as I have. ;\)

> > No matter who a person is with, there is always going to be some
> > comparison to what they've had before.
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