... it is an ugly discgraceful word. It never meant anything other than disrepect... to use it in any fashion is disrespectful, whether the person using it was black or not. In the black community, I highly doubt that THEIR forefathers would have approved of the usage of the word today.
Only about the 1800s did it become an insulting term. The latin word for black is niger. Language and words change over time, simple fact. N---er, Negro, Colored, Black, African-American, as so on and so forth. . . hehe, appearantly "socialist" is code for racism now according to some.
Back to the original point of the confederate flag. You allow for bigotry when you allow other people define you or your symbols. Expecially if its a symbol or has a history that you do not truely understand. You have decided that the Confederate Flag is something to be ashamed of, and you want to discriminate against them for it. It is just as "racist" as deciding that the Mexican Flag is something to be ashamed of, and wanting to discriminate against it.