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Member Since: Thu Nov 11, 2021
In Reply To
Late Great Donald Blake 

Member Since: Sat May 17, 2008
Posts: 7,566
Subj: Re: I'm going to give you a choice.
Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2022 at 11:52:25 am EST (Viewed 209 times)
Reply Subj: I'm going to give you a choice.
Posted: Fri Feb 18, 2022 at 10:39:25 am EST (Viewed 216 times)

Previous Post

    I disagree with what you wrote. However, I’d like to focus on another critique right now. As a general writing tip, you can increase clarity and reduce reading exhaustion by eliminating unneeded fluff and writing at a 9th grade level.

    Instead of saying, for example: “He was an atheist of a pretty strident and pessimistic variety. In the passage they're using he is dismissing it as a legitimate alternative to atheism; he's an opponent to the position.”

    Say: “He was a strident and pessimistic atheist; an opponent to pantheism who dismissed a legitimate alternative to atheism.”

LGDB: Oh THANK YOU! Tell ya what if I wanted an editor I'd pay someone who's qualified. Your version is shorter, not better. And it actually doesn't contain the same content. Your summary makes it seem like I'm describing Schopenhauer rather than the video about Schopenhauer.

More importantly... this is beside the point. Are we talking about pantheism or my writing?

And finally... and tell me if this is concise enough for you... I think this writing critique is reaching for a way to condescend to me... which I'm going to interpret as antagonist. Given that you've already been warned several times about this an other issues, as far as this moderator's concerned you're on probationary status. If we have another issue on this board of any kind you're getting the boot. I hope the fluff didn't make this impossible to read.


I write for a living. That makes me qualified.

But okay, I’ll tone it down. I was being a dickhead and I kinda felt bad, if it’s any consolation. You’ve been very kind.

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