Dave Galanter
December 1st 1969 - December 12th 2020
He was loved.

Amazing Spider-Man Message Board >> View Post
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Subj: I couldn't agree more.
Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 at 05:00:19 pm EDT (Viewed 17 times)
Reply Subj: This issue has confirmed my "Man in a Refrigerator" theory for Amazing Spider-Man #600:
Posted: Thu May 21, 2009 at 02:08:54 pm EDT (Viewed 38 times)

    Here's what we know:

    Marvel has stated that, in Amazing Spider-Man #600, there will be a wedding, and Doctor Octopus will return.

    Here's what we can credibly infer:

    Barring some last-minute "Hawk is Monarch!" switch-a-roo, it's all but been confirmed that the wedding will be between May and Jay. And since Otto and May have a romantic history, it's highly likely that the "brain trust," which is so slavishly devoted to recreating so many aspects of Spider-Man's pre-marriage status quo, will tie Otto's return into May's wedding.

    And here's what I predict will happen:

    Otto will interrupt May and Jay's wedding, like a fat, middle-aged, eight-limbed Dustin Hoffman in The Graduate, and Peter will don his Spider-Man suit to fight Otto, and in the ensuing fight between Otto and Spider-Man, Jay will be killed. Otto might actually feel badly about this, given the regard he's occasionally shown for May's feelings in the past, while Peter will unquestionably feel badly about this, not only because Jonah will blame Spider-Man for "murdering" his dad, thus ensuring that the Jonah/Spider-Man feud becomes more combative and entrenched than ever, but May will also blame Spider-Man for "murdering" her newfound love, thus ensuring that Peter will feel even more guilty, and that he will have an entirely new reason for never being able to tell May that he's Spider-Man.

    I'll be genuinely impressed if the "brain trust" doesn't head in this direction, but the problem they face is that they've demonstrated their clear belief that everything that happens must make Peter's life suck even worse in some way, and unfortunately for them, there's really no possible way that May and Jay getting married wouldn't improve at least some aspect or another of Peter's life. Moreover, and this is the big one, giving May a new husband pushes Ben that much further in the background, which lessens the guilt that drives Peter, and since the "brain trust" retconned Peter's marriage to Mary Jane in part because it lessened his angst over their sainted Gwen, whose death isn't even the primary source of Peter's guilt ... well, it's hard for me to see this going any other way.

    So, between Jay, Jarvis, Nathan Lubensky and Ben, May's vagina has become a Green Lantern fridge.

And lets say, by some "miracle" that Aunt May and Jay still become husband and wife after all is said and done. It still setting up a "man in refrigerator" scenario for Jay to be killed in the "crossfire" between Spidey and some super-villain, only now the angst is "greater" because Aunt May becomes a two-time widower with Peter feeling guilt-ridden over him being partly responsible for the death of his Aunt's husband, just like he felt about Uncle Ben.

Of course, I content its all false drama anyway because, other than Jay being J. Jonah Jameson's long lost, estranged dad and that he's a nice guy who loves Peter's Aunt May and likes Spider-Man, we haven't seen enough appearances of this character to really know him, or care about Aunt May getting married to him.

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